I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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