I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
