Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
