I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
