And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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