and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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