bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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