My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
