11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
