I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
