your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
