Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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