im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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