You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
