I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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