we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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