i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
