Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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