I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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