Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
