I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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