My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
