evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
