That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sorry about my life...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
