oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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