goodnight i made you a song goodbye
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
