My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
