How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
