Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
