This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
