After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
