i think my tv is drunk
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I understand Curling. That high.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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