last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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