Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I miss vodka workout Fridays
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
