is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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