then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
