Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
