i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Randomize
