Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
