youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I had to cum in my sink.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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