Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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