He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
