farters have to be the big spoon...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
