summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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