I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
