think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
