i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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