Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
