Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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