I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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