And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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