Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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