I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize