Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
