there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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