Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
