I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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