I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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