I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
