This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
