I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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