We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
