I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
