Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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