We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize