Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
