You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
