OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
