How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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