i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
