Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
