I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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