I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
