She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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