i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
