considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
