Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize