So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
